What am I supposed to be feeling in this newfound relationship? It is just all very new and confusing to me. I still feel like we're close friends. Maybe that's the problem with me. The only time I have ever gotten involved, we didn't do anything about it. It was just a close friendship. A friendship with possible benefits. The availability of a quick fool around if needed, though never practiced. Relationships like that are what I'm used to. Used, but using him right back.

I guess I just fear using this person. I fear being unfaithful in the end. I fear not being right, being coldhearted and hurtful. Putting up my high brick walls around me, with no door or window to crawl through.

I feel like such a sore loser now. But I feel so angered about the whole situation of not getting a position on the literary magazine. I'm still just a regular member. I guess all the input I put in this year doesn't count for the long haul. I've missed the past two meetings, but the situation was completely out of my hand. Yet an individual missed an entire month of Thursday meetings at the beginning of the year and still gains the position of secretary? I'm just being bitter, but I highly doubt that going out drinking is a valuable reason to miss meetings. Halloween, I showed up. Valentines Day, I showed up. I feel gipped.

But life isn't fair. Life goes on, no matter what happens.

I've begun my newly acquired Moleskine recently. I feel really happy about that. I need to keep going with it though. Then I can chalk up one neat thing about me.

I seem to be filling my music listening time with Saves The Day. Or really just Chris Conley and whoever happens to be playing with him at this moment in time.

I get my Diamondback bike today. Well, it's not really mine, but it is as good as mine. I can't believe how much Bucknell University students throw out at the end of the year. And nice things at that.

I can't believe I let this get behind, but I can honestly say I've had quite the busy and music filled week lately.



Saturday:
Today was the Kimya Dawson show I had been waiting weeks for. Being sold out and filled to the brim, I was surprised that they thought to have the show in the chapel of the First Unitarian Church. Lauren, her boyfriend Kyle, and I scored prime floor space to watch Kimya sing her stuff. The one problem I had with the show was the crowd. It was completely different than I expected, it seemingly being populated with "Juno" fans. So there were only a few of us singing along. We went to dinner with a few other people at a vegan chinese place. It was delicious.

Sunday:
Owen! He was simply marvelous and could crack quite a good joke.
"So there are three tampons walking down the street. A light, a regular, and a super. Which one says hello to you first?"
*Shoutings of either of the three*
"Well none. Because they're all stuck up bitches."
The music was fantastic, and I caught myself singing along to his damn brilliant lyrics.

Tuesday:
Hyphen Literary Magazine meeting. We went over some of the publishing problems and then saw on the screen how it would look in color. It's going to be fantastic, and I can't wait until it comes out.



Wednesday:
Day one of a two day Explosions In The Sky extravaganza. I took the subway down with Libby, Colleen, and Jackee and eventually met up with Lauren and Kyle there. Colleen's beau was also present, as well as a million people Jackee knows. It's so true, she knows everybody. The funny thing is that she's not even from Philadelphia. Long Island.
Getting on to the music, Explosions In The Sky were BRILLIANT. There is no other way I can put it. I felt reborn and rejuvenated. I kept myself flowing to the music and lost myself completely in it that night. I walked back to the subway station in utter amazement, laughing and almost crying. They were quite overwhelming.

Thursday:
Day two of the Explosions In The Sky extravaganza. I met Garet at the show and promptly tried to find a spot as close to the stage as possible. I had a received a call that my friend Erin from back home was going to be there, so I had to find her. I was so excited to see a familiar face from home, and we caught up on a lot of things. Lichens started up, so we somewhat watched and somewhat talked. For me, it was just really hard for me to concentrate on.
Soon enough though, Explosions got on stage and it just went from there. "Your Hand In Mine" began to play, and seeing no results after a minute into the song, I nudged Garet and grabbed his hand.


Now today is Friday. Just two classes, Intellectual Heritage and American History 1877-Present. After this, I get to make my way to 30th Street Station to spend my birthday weekend with Lauren and Libby back home. I am so excited to go home and see my family and some close friends. It's going to be quite good.

Receiving my financial aid award yesterday was as a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. With this, I can now pay for my tuition out of pocket instead of having to take out more loans. My brother just received his letter from Penn State, and he was left with nothing. I don't understand. I would expect Penn State to keep it up, not Temple.

State + Local Politics was cancelled today, so that left me with no classes. So now I have to read the assigned book for said class before the weekend, and then go to the gym at 2pm. I want to start this Tuesday/Thursday pattern. I have nothing better to do anyway.

But finally, Hyphen Literary Magazine meetings are starting up again, so we're going to look over the layout and see what works.

So. There's someone slowly but surely entering my life.

My First Piano - Luke Brandfon

Thank you Philadelphia for granting me that gorgeous late afternoon weather. I really needed it. I must have found the easy New York Times crossword puzzle yesterday, because this one is near impossible. I have a measly three words filled in.

Boris Smile - Gina Stine #9

Cleaning your living space is like cleaning your mind. Take out all of the clutter, all the useless things that have been piling up. Dust off your collectibles. Wash everything. Sit down. Relax. Fold laundry. Put it away properly. Use fresh, crisp and clean linens. Choose a different color. A different pattern. Something new, to hopefully change your sleep patterns. Maybe this floral will bring sweet dreams, unlike the cold, hard stripes currently gracing your uncomfortable, metal framed mattress.

Jose Gonzalez - Heartbeats (The Knife Cover)